Originally wrote and performed this about 14 years ago. Still holds up as far as what my belief system is:
I’m not sure how to really begin. I can’t claim to speak for anyone other than myself and I’m admittedly naïve when it comes to the ins and outs of various religions, faiths, and rituals. So what does someone without a religion have to say about religious beliefs? To my knowledge, I don't fall into any particular doctrine or secular mass. I am an island unto myself. What could I possibly have to offer? Consider this a lesson taught by the uneducated. The wildcard ramblings of a guy who had no faith to lose but somehow managed to anyway...but also was able to regain it again.
They say the world is a stage. That's not exactly true, but the stage is the world. It can be anywhere at anytime and likewise anyone on the stage of dramatics or the written word can manifest themselves into anything the imagination can conjure up. All it takes is a slight suspension of disbelief. So what if I, through some phenomenally ironic cosmic joke, became Deity for a Day?
“Dave, you just became in charge of the universe for the next 24 hours. Do with it what you will.”
Holy shit…
That’d be one Hell of a daunting scenario. (And Heaven would be tricky too.) But, when I really think about it, there would be few things I'd like to set straight. If I was the Man Upstairs for a little while, than it’d be time for the downstairs neighbors to get some shit in order.
1) First off, you can call me anything you want. God, Allah, Buddah, Henry...whatever. I don't care. It's all the same to me and I'll answer to all of them.
2) If you happen to be an Atheist and don't believe I exist, no worries. When you happen to kick the bucket, I'll meet you up here, sit you down for a cup of coffee, introduce myself and we can get acquainted.
3) I'm not perfect. (Come on, you think anybody who invented the mosquito can claim to have never made a mistake?) so I don't expect anybody else to always be correct in what they believe or how they act.
4) I'm really not an egotist. I do not want or expect all of humanity to put every waking moment into worshipping little ol' me. It's embarrassing. You think celebrities have it bad since they can't go to a McDonalds in public? People have been waiting for me to come back down for centuries so no way in Hell am I getting a Big Mac anytime soon.
5) Basically, I'm flattered by anything any of you feel compelled to do for me. If you want to go to a church every Sunday, thank you. If you want to kneel on a mat and pray to the East several times a day, I appreciate it. If you just throw the occasional hello my way while going to sleep at night, that’s cool too. Just please, don't get mad at others for not doing what you do. Variety is the spice of life and since I created life, I like the variety of what people do to show their faith. Keeps things from getting monotonous.
6) I really don't care what book you read or what building you visit. It's the thought that counts. I'm really not as vindictive as some may make me out to be...though sometimes a little fear is a good thing if it helps keep people in line.
7) Please, do NOT harm each other in my name. I'm the All-Mighty for Christ's sake, I can fight my own battles if I need to and don't require you to destroy any civilizations for me. I can do it on my own. The floods ring any bells? (Sorry about that by the way, I'm just not a morning person.) Bottom line: I do not want to hear the words Crusade, Jihad, or anything of the sort unless they are being used in a history lesson or a Scrabble competition. (Jihad is best used as a triple word score and not a triple suicide bombing.)
8) Jerusalem, while a nice place, is really not worth all the lives that have been claimed in fighting over it. Guys, if I come back, I'll be looking for some beach front property in New Zealand or something a little more relaxed. Just take a deep breath and chill out a bit.
9) Do not discriminate against each other for any reason. Not race. Obviously not religion. Not sexual orientation. Not anything. I created all of you and gave you free will for a reason. Go ahead and make your own choices and live life in a way that's best for you. Don't worry about what other people do in their own lives since it's probably none of your business anyway. If one of the old books says differently, it was probably a misprint and I need to change publishing companies. That's all.
10) I get a lot of blame for a lot of the evils that exist in today's world. Wars, disease, the Jerry Springer show...the list goes on and on. As I said, I gave you free will. That means you live your own lives and make your own choices. Unfortunately, free will also has a great responsibility to it that many don't grasp and don't care about. People hurt each other and do terrible things. They also love each other and have great compassion. It's up to each of you. I can't interfere with that. Wish I could, but some lessons you just have to learn on your own.
11) That doesn't mean I don't try to provide some hope for you. Miracles happen everyday. If you look around, you can see examples of them yourself. Angels exist on Earth as well if you know where to look for them. They come in the form of the special girl or guy that comes into your life when you needed them most and least expected it. The friend that was always there for you in the darkest moments. A second in time that makes you smile every time that you recollect it. Take hope from these things. Enjoy them, cherish them. Those are the gifts of life. Find what is most important to you and live for it, not allowing any obstacle to tear you off that path.
12) And when that path is over, you'll have a decision to make. Don't look at me to decide what you deserve in the afterlife. That’s not my responsibility. It's yours. Relive your life through the eyes and minds and hearts of everyone around you and truly feel for yourself how you affected them during your lifetime. After you've felt all the love, hate, laughter, and pain that you brought about in others during your time on Earth, than you can decide if you deserve the Penthouse or the Outhouse.
13) Heaven is whatever you want it to be. Eternity with the true love of your life? No problem: you've earned it. Eternity of horseback riding and eating chocolate? Consider it done. Heck, if you want to go back to Earth and give it another shot or fall in love with your soulmate all over again, I can arrange it for you. Death, just like Life, is all about options.
14) Likewise, if you head South, Hell is exactly what you WOULDN'T want. Humans are pretty good at creating Hell in their own environments anyway with wars, murders, rapes and all forms of abuse; but if you do these things in life you can expect to pay and pay harshly for them in death because there is a Justice greater than any courtroom and I don't have a Bill of Rights I need to follow in regards to punishment for the evil and the wicked.
15) It's not about what you believe. It's about how you treat those around you. Treat them well, and you have nothing to fear from me.
That's pretty much it. Nothing too complicated. Tolerance is the main thing. But what do I know? Yeah, as I write this, I can claim to be the Creator of all Creation. But once I step back into reality, I'm just a regular guy looking for the same answers you are. I may not have a specific religion to call my own, but I do have my miracles, my dreams, my angels and my faith. Hopefully you do too.
And hopefully that's enough.